Messenger Mishaps
by Acire Fox
Summary: A friend and I got on Messenger but Sephiroth hates to be left alone and he needs therapy. Ok, the rating is for sexual inuendo and cursing. This is stupid fluff, funny, but stupid fluff.


The Disclaimer: I do not own Sephiroth (he is on my Christmas Wish List right under the Masamune). He belongs to Squaresoft. I also am not affiliated with or own MSN Messenger.   
  
This is a weird assed fic that was never supposed to come into being. My friend, Teris Xenite and I (with Sephiroth in tow in my brain) got on good old ass-lancing, MSN Messenger (Which cuts me off all of the time) and the rest is fic history…. Btw…my ISP Sucks!!  
  
  
  
{Computer cuts off}  
{I log back on}   
  
  
Never give out your password or credit card number in an instant message conversation.  
  
Sephy says:  
This thing must die!!! *draws Masamune*  
  
Teris says:  
feel free  
  
Sephy says:  
*gets in car and drives into town to find Pure (Net Service) Crap people......  
  
Teris says:  
make their death painful and slow  
  
Sephy says:  
*but soon realizes that I don't know where they are.... *  
  
Sephy says:  
*comes back crying* The bastards have eluded me!!  
  
Teris says:  
*hugs*  
  
Teris says:  
it shall be alright  
  
Teris says:  
wait until tomorrow morning  
  
Teris says:  
and stake out the back door of the office then slaughter them all  
  
Sephy says:  
I will....and they shall die!!  
  
Sephy says:  
Muwha ha ha ha !!!  
  
Sephy says:  
*dances in circles like an idiot*  
  
Teris says:  
*smiles*   
  
Teris says:  
*and vows to get you out of jail on the morrow*  
  
Sephy says:  
I'll kill them all and burn the building....It shall be their funeral pire!! Muwha ha ha ha !!!  
  
Acire says:  
Ok...  
  
Acire says:  
Now that the violence has been plotted.....how was your day?  
  
Teris says:  
*does happy dance*  
  
Teris says:  
*and hopes the cop I'm gonna have to promise sexual favors to will be cute*  
  
Teris says:  
pretty good  
  
Teris says:  
slept through most of it   
  
Acire says:  
I understand that....  
  
Acire says:  
I had a nap after church...  
  
Acire says:  
I like the new preacher at New Hope....  
  
Acire says:  
She's cool.  
  
Teris says:  
goodie  
  
Teris says:  
this the one your grandma is trying to hook Zack up with  
  
Acire says:  
Yes....  
  
Teris says:  
ah...  
  
{Computer Cuts off}  
{I log back on}  
  
Sephy says:  
Note to self: (Pure Crap people must die and all of their family must be maimed....)  
  
Teris says:  
I see...  
  
Teris says:  
*takes down note to self like a good imperial bitch*  
  
Sephy says:  
Thank you My dear imperial bitch......^_^  
  
Acire says:  
I forgot that I have problems....  
  
Teris says:  
What problems would those be?  
  
Acire says:  
I'm listening to this song that the Jacen and I decided that would be played by (T&A's son) Tenchi with his rock band.....   
  
Acire says:  
yes we gave him a rock band.....  
  
Acire says:  
*shakes head and sighs* We do have a psudo-soundtrack....  
  
Teris says:  
heh...  
  
Teris says:  
you rock me dear   
  
Acire says:  
No, I don't. I just have a problem......  
  
Acire says:  
I need a shrink?  
  
Teris says:  
*sits up*...will that be cash, charge or severed heads?  
  
Sephy says:  
*draws Masamune* What do you think? *glares...........  
  
Sephy says:  
Charge....*lays down Visa Mythril*  
  
Sephy says:   
I can't get my wallet out with the Masamune in the way…  
  
Acire says:  
But what about my problem.....?  
  
Sephy says:  
Shut up minion!  
  
Acire says:  
Meany! *pouts*  
  
Teris says:  
alright  
  
Teris says:  
have a seat on the couch   
  
Sephy says:  
*sits*  
  
Sephy says:  
*sniff*  
  
Teris says:  
*hands you a tissue* what has brought you to my office today...  
  
Sephy says:  
I am having some *blows nose* problems due to my checkered past.....  
  
Sephy says:  
alright...we can take care of those...  
  
Teris says:  
tell me how are you feeling?  
  
Sephy says:  
*eyes glow* VIOLENT!!!  
  
Sephy says:  
*sniff*  
  
Sephy says:  
Sorry Doc....  
  
Teris says:  
it's ok  
  
Teris says:  
take a deep cleansing breath  
  
Sephy says:  
*breathes*  
  
Teris says:  
*lights lavernder candle and puts on soothing music*  
  
Sephy says:  
Oooooo.......  
  
Sephy says:  
Nice ambience....  
  
Sephy says:  
*hears "lets get it on" playing......* Hey!!  
  
Acire says:  
That's just wrong!!  
  
Teris says:  
alright...now I want you to lie back...and close your eyes...  
  
Teris says:  
get comfortable  
  
Teris says:  
and I want you to think...  
  
Teris says:  
go as far back as you can...  
  
Teris says:  
and tell me the first thing you remember  
  
Sephy says:  
*crosses arms* Change the music first.....I don't trust fan girls...*glares*  
  
Teris says:  
alright?  
  
Teris says:  
sounds of the ocean alright?  
  
Sephy says:  
Good....*lies back & closes eyes* ........  
  
Sephy says:  
I remember being small.....and there are men arguing.......arguing about me.....  
  
Sephy says:  
One of them is fairly short and greasy looking with back hair and glasses........... and the other is taller and older with brown hair  
  
Sephy says:  
The older one points at me and the greasy one screams shaking with anger.....he turns to glare at me....  
  
Sephy says:  
I hate that man....The older one is always nice to me.....he's like a father to me.....but wait......  
  
Sephy says:  
He's leaving me with the greasy man....Don't Go!!  
  
Sephy says:  
He's mean to me.....He'll hurt me.....please father don't leave me with that man!!  
  
Sephy says:  
He'll kill me!  
  
Sephy says:  
He hates me!  
  
Sephy says:  
*wakes up with a shudder* What the hell was that?!  
  
Teris says:  
alright...it's ok...come back  
  
Teris says:  
realize that you're safe here  
  
Teris says:  
and nothing can hurt you...  
  
Sephy says:  
No it can't *pats Masamune*  
  
Sephy says:  
*noticeably sweating*  
  
Teris says:  
now...take a deep breath  
  
Teris says:  
close your eyes....  
  
Teris says:  
rotate your neck slowly....  
  
Teris says:  
and count backwards from 20 to 1   
  
Sephy says:  
*does so* 20, 19, 18, 17, 16, 15, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10......  
  
Sephy says:  
9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3,.......  
  
Sephy says:  
2, 1......*relaxed*  
  
Sephy says:  
What now, Doc/Imperial Bitch?  
  
Teris says:  
now you tell me what problems you've been having...  
  
Sephy says:  
The usual.....failed attempts to rule the planet..... Jenova controling my mind......bad dreams of Hojo as my father........and the lack of female companionship......I seem to scare the hell out of women....  
  
Teris says:  
not all women surely?  
  
Sephy says:  
People think that I'm gay, ok?  
  
Teris says:  
only because they believe the old axiom that all the best men are taken or gay I assure you  
  
Sephy says:  
*glare* Sure....  
  
Sephy says:  
Nice optimism.....where did you get it....at the Dollar Store?  
  
Teris says:  
I was born with it   
  
Teris says:  
Jamie said to tell your minion Acire he said hi  
  
Sephy says:  
Tell him that she said (censored because what Sephy actually said was mean and inappropriate....not to mention not what I'd say) Hi and give him a hug for me....  
  
Sephy says:  
That's not what I said, Woman!!  
  
Acire says:  
and you wonder why you don't get any women Sephiroth.........  
  
Sephy says:  
That was a low blow......*sniff*  
  
Teris says:  
you know i'm beginning to sense an anger management problem  
  
Teris says:  
set down the sword and go punch that punching bag 100 times  
  
Sephy says:  
Why?  
  
Acire says:  
Did you say hi and hug him for me?  
  
Teris says:  
yeah  
  
Teris says:  
and he said thanks for the hug  
  
Acire says:  
Minus the Sephy comments *glares at Sephy*  
  
Teris says:  
because...you need to learn how to appropriately channel your rage  
  
Teris says:  
do so now  
  
Sephy says:  
*with Jet-Li's accent ala "The One"* I'm nobody's bitch. You are my bitch....  
  
Teris says:  
yes I know....but you came to me for help...so go punch the punching bag  
  
Teris says:  
you'll feel better  
  
Sephy says:  
*punches bag* This does feel good.....*continues*  
  
Acire says:  
*does happy dance* You got the Sephy-monkey off of my back.....  
  
Acire says:  
He is amused/appeased for at least a few minutes....thank you!! *glomps*  
  
Teris says:  
you're welcome   
  
Acire says:  
The evil overlord is silent!! I am free!!!  
  
Teris says:  
*smiles*  
  
Sephy says:  
*obliterates punching bag* Oh well....time to bother Acire again.....*evil grin*  
  
Acire says:  
Shit!!  
  
Teris says:  
ohhhh no you don't  
  
Teris says:  
*hand you a pair of twisted conjoined nails*  
  
Teris says:  
now we work on patience  
  
Teris says:  
find a way to get those apart while keeping them both intact  
  
Sephy says:  
*glares at Teris* I hate you....*sits on floor starting on nails*  
  
Acire says:  
*whispers* Can he actually do this one?   
  
Teris says:  
*Whispers* yes but it takes even genuses hours  
  
Teris says:  
*whispering still* and requires both patience and gentleness  
  
Acire says:  
Good....  
  
Acire says:  
I'll be free of him for hours....btw that description (requires both patience and gentleness) sounds like sex....  
  
Teris says:  
it's much like that yes  
  
Teris says:  
and if he squeezes too hard  
  
Teris says:  
he'll never get them apart  
  
Acire says:  
*snickers*  
  
Acire says:  
*stops* But wait.....he's good at sex.....  
  
Sephy says:  
*puts down two separated nails* Finished!!!  
  
Sephy says:  
Acire....here.....Acire.....come to your lord and master.....*evil grin*  
  
Teris says:  
first you get a new toy to play with  
  
Teris says:  
you'll like these  
  
Teris says:  
hold out your hand  
  
Sephy says:  
Nothing sick.....*holds out hand*  
  
Teris says:  
*hands you two metal relaxation balls*  
  
Teris says:  
*a set for each hand in fact*  
  
Teris says:  
roll those until you hear the chimes...and take deep breaths  
  
Sephy says:  
Alright......I'll be finished in a minute or two....  
  
Teris says:  
they will protect you from a horrendous affliction  
  
Teris says:  
that often targets evil over lords  
  
Sephy says:  
*begins* That's good....  
  
Teris says:  
and you have to continue listening to the chimes till you discover inner peace  
  
Teris says:  
and a reverence for all living creatures  
  
Acire says:  
*whispers* You took out the chimes didn't you?  
  
Teris says:  
(yes as a matter of fact)  
  
Acire says:  
*snickers* (You MAY be evil afterall....)  
  
Teris says:  
can I have my evil card now?  
  
Acire says:  
Maybe....but....um....you have to get it from......him *points at Sephy who is in Buddha position floating off of the floor rolling the balls in his hands*  
  
Acire says:  
I cannot hand out evil cards....he's authorized...I'm not....sorry....  
  
Teris says:  
oh well  
  
Teris says:  
at least I found something to keep him busy  
  
Acire says:  
Good....  
  
Acire says:  
I made up a lullaby to sing Sephy today....  
  
Acire says:  
I was half asleep though and I can't remember it.....  
  
Sephy says:  
Damn these balls......  
  
Acire says:  
Ignore him....  
  
Acire says:  
Although that was funny....*snickers* Blue balls...  
  
Teris says:  
*elbows* think he's figured it out yet?  
  
Acire says:  
Um...no...  
  
Acire says:  
He's a little slow on the uptake....its all of that Mako gone to his head....  
  
Sephy says:  
Fuck the balls....*throws them away*  
  
Acire says:  
LOL "Fuck the balls" *snicker*  
  
Teris says:  
feel more centered now?  
  
Sephy says:  
This is centered....*stabs Acire through the middle with the Masamune* Her exact center.....  
  
Acire says:  
Jerk....  
  
Sephy says:  
*notices that one of the balls breaks open and there is nothing inside*  
  
Acire says:  
oops....Teris, run....  
  
Teris says:  
no no no  
  
Teris says:  
there isn't supposed to be anything inside of them  
  
Teris says:  
it's a zen then  
  
Teris says:  
when you reach inner peace… then they chime  
  
Sephy says:  
You are the doctor.....you should know....*glares* but if it was a trick.....I shall find your center....WITH THE MASAMUNE!!!  
  
Sephy says:  
*sits* What next?  
  
Teris says:  
now  
  
Acire says:  
I'm bleeding here!!!  
  
Teris says:  
how do you feel?  
  
Teris says:  
first heal your minion  
  
Sephy says:  
Fine...*casts Fullcure*  
  
Sephy says:  
I feel......ok....*shrugs*  
  
Sephy says:  
Still violent but...ok....  
  
Teris says:  
alright...  
  
Teris says:  
then..my advice...is to meditate twice daily...  
  
Teris says:  
take up yoga  
  
Teris says:  
and do the exercises that I've shown you today when you feel stress or an excess of violence tendencies...  
  
Teris says:  
save the slaughtering and torture for those who deserve it  
  
Teris says:  
politicians, lawyers...  
  
Teris says:  
those type of people  
  
Acire says:  
And have lots of sex to keep up dexterity and other things!! ^_^   
  
Sephy says:  
I see....  
  
Teris says:  
and yes...your minion makes a good point  
  
Teris says:  
lots of sex would be very good for you  
  
Sephy says:  
*evil grin.......even worse than the Grinch....!!!*  
  
Sephy says:  
I SEE.....  
  
Sephy says:  
*grabs Acire and lays ONE on her!!* (I love being the author)  
  
Teris says:  
I see that my job is done  
  
Teris says:  
*blows out the candle*  
  
Acire says:  
*everything goes dark* Sephy...stop...Teris's in here......that's.....*heavy breathing*.....so naughty.....stop..... Teris....still here....   
  
Teris says:  
*hmms and puts on headphones* just enjoy the sex boo   
  
Acire says:  
*lights cut on* Damn.....  
  
Acire says:  
Just my luck....  
  
Sephy says:  
*shirtless* Excuse me!!  
  
Sephy says:  
*puts on coat* Pay on the way out?  
  
Teris says:  
*fans* ah that'd be fine please do come again if you notice any more signs of evil overlord burn out  
  
Sephy says:  
Thank you....but are you hot? I am a little cold...  
  
Teris says:  
remember that axoim I told you about earlier?  
  
Sephy says:  
Yes.....  
  
Teris says:  
lets just say I'm now quite certain that lots of people believe it when it comes to you  
  
Teris says:  
or you'd be mobbed  
  
Sephy says:  
How nice of you......I think....  
  
Teris says:  
*tells secretary to give you the REALLY hot guy discount*  
  
Acire says:  
(Acire is back in charge of her brain and is back in black....the font....what did you think I meant?)  
  
Acire says:  
WHAT IN THE HELL WAS THAT PIECE OF FLUFF?!!!  
  
Teris says:  
black suit maybe?  
  
Teris says:  
Sephy's first thearpy session?  
  
Acire says:  
That was weird...  
  
Acire says:  
Very weird....  
  
Acire says:  
You even made me save a converstion...  
  
Acire says:  
It might become a fic later.....  
  
Acire says:  
Don't be surprised...  
  
Erica says:  
if you see it posted on fanfiction.net  
  
Teris says:  
that'd be cool   
  
Acire says:  
It will probably be changed a little but....ultimately...it might become a fic....  
  
Acire says:  
Isn't that sad....?  
  
Acire says:  
You now have to council my other personalities too....sorry....   
  
Teris says:  
that's ok   
  
Teris says:  
I love you  
  
Teris says:  
even the nutty parts ^_^  
  
  
  
  
  
Author's note: I will finish the Reunion Show soon. I promise. *crosses heart* (And no, I am not going to say Read and Review 'cause I'm tired of saying it 'cause most of you won't.... but thanks to those that do.) 


End file.
